If I die. I want everyone to be inspired to change their lives. I would want my death to inspire action and love. Love for life. Passion. Death is a possibility. Every single day. For each and every one of us. We’re just not aware of it. Now that I am aware I can talk about it. I want everyone to know that I always strived to be the best version of myself. I wanted to be the greatest I could possibly be. Every single day. Some days it was harder, some days it was easier. If I ever did wrong to someone it was just because of hate for myself. Take nothing personal. It was an internal conflict with my own self. I’ve been extremely lucky in my life. My youth was like a movie. A great novel. I experienced everything a teenager should experience. My parents are the greatest parents in the world. I did great things. I fucked up many things. I learned. I grew. I moved forward. I loved life. There’s nothing much to say. I don’t want to look at this as my will. But it kind of is. It’s a message. In case of my death. But not even that. It’s just a message. For myself. A contemplation. Death has never taken up so much space in my head. Or in my being. Now I am facing this duality head on. Life and death. It’s here. I am aware of it. And that doesn’t mean anything. I am just facing it. Just dancing with it. Being aware. It’s not an enemy. It’s a duality like every other. Being aware of something shouldn’t bring you anxiety. It’s just reality. Death is the other side. That’s the way it has always been. We will all die one day. Sooner or later. Be free. Awareness is freedom. Acceptance is freedom. But strive for the best. Strive for more. More experience. More life. More wisdom. More love. We only live once. As this ego. In this lifetime. And I am happy for this lifetime. It’s beautiful. I am beautiful. I am smart. I am young. I am lucky. I have the perfect family. I have everything. I don’t know if I will die this year. No one knows. No one can promise me anything. Only I can promise myself one thing. I will try my best to survive. To keep on living. To stay alive. I want to stay alive. I want to live.

I don’t want these journals to blow up because I die at 20 years old. I want to share them myself. Later on in life.

I don’t want my legacy to be used. I don’t want to be used as an example of someone that fought till the last breath. I want to live. I will do much more if I stay alive.

But I don’t know.

I don’t know what’s the plan. I don’t know if there’s a plan. Maybe I am creating it. With every single thought. With every single action. I want to live. I believe I have many things yet to do. I want to live a long life. I want to grow old. I want to grow to be 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90. it’s possible. Of course it is possible. And I will try my best to achieve that. To live long. To live a long rich life. I want to marry. I want to have kids. I want to build things. I want to move the world. Not with my death. But with my life. With what I create. Now. Here. Alive.

Life is the greatest gift. The most precious gift. I am forever thankful for this experience of life.

I am alive. I am living. Thank you, God.

1st March 2020